I don't have a lot of friends. And that used to bother me.
There was a time when I thought something was wrong with that — like maybe I wasn't social enough, or warm enough, or doing life the right way. I watched people collect circles the way others collect followers. Big rooms. Loud dinners. Endless group chats. And I kept showing up with something much smaller.
But somewhere along the way, I stopped measuring it wrong.
Proximity Is Not the Same as Closeness
Most people don't actually want closeness. What they want is proximity. They want you when things are easy, when the energy is high, when the story sounds good. Real friendship is a different thing entirely — and it has a different cost.
I've had seasons of genuine success where the room was full. And seasons of real uncertainty where the room went quiet very quickly. That contrast is one of the most clarifying experiences a person can have. It teaches you, faster than almost anything else, who was actually there for you versus who was there for the version of you that was working.
What the Small Circle Actually Looks Like
The few friends I have now have seen me win — and didn't need anything from it. They've seen me struggle — and didn't flinch. They don't require the highlight reel because they already know the whole story, including the parts that never made it into any version of a public narrative.
We don't talk every day. We don't perform our friendship for an audience. We don't need constant reassurance that the relationship is still intact. But if I call, they answer. If I go quiet, they notice. And if I fall apart, they don't rush to fix me — they sit with me. That distinction matters more than any other.
Depth Costs Something
That kind of friendship doesn't come from volume. It comes from time. From honesty that isn't always comfortable. From choosing each other when it would be genuinely easier not to — when there's nothing to gain and no audience watching.
I used to think a small circle was a limitation. Now I understand it's a standard. The circle is small because the criteria are real.
I wouldn't trade it for a bigger room.